you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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