Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
