I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
