Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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