hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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