when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
