I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
