THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
