she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
