You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
