i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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