Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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