Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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