I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
