Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
