He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
