Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
