I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
