I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
