the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
