her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
