Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
