I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
