youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
