so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
