I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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