nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
