remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
