Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
