and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize