I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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