4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
