why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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