After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
