Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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