Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
