My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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