where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
