I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i think i have two assholes
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
