i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
