I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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