i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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