So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
