My room smells like vodka and shame
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
