I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
