i barfeds in our rink
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
