I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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