Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
