Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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