Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize