Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
