4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize