Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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