There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
