i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
