the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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