How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
