How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
