You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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