That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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