five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize