get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
