Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
