Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
