Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
