I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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