She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
