Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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