Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
