I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
