Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
