so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
