I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
