If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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