i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I am one with the molecules
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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