Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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