I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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