I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
