i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize