If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
