just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
