I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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