Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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