next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
