Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
operation harelip BJ is a go
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
