one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
