My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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