I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
