I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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