Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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