Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
