No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
