I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
