No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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