i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
