What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
