A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
