just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
