i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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